Bugs In The Soup We Serve
by Daifuku Mochiin
Summary: They broke her heart: Kiba left to Water; Naruto was committed to another. So when Sasuke entered the scene, Shino won't stand idly on the sidelines. Not this time.
1. Chapter 1

**Ta-dah! I'm back:) Thanks to roveme, rcr, spacefood, kyna96, and to all the guest reviewers. I kept in mind the things you pointed out (I don't know how I did though), and felt full with the bowls of zenzai you gave me. **

**And now, the full story... **

**Please leave your comments and critiques on the review section. Once again, I'd really appreciate it if you could rate BITSWeS 1 bowl of zenzai to 10 bowls of zenzai, with 1 being "What's happening? Do I exist?" and 10 being "I felt full and satisfied". Thank you and love lots!**

* * *

THE SUMMER AFTER Kiba boarded the ship for the three-year ninja exchange program to the Land of Water, Shino got everything Kiba had wanted. Among other things the promotion he missed, a salary raise, the dinky gray supervisor's office…

Eying its sullen corners as he scrubbed the ink-blotched desk, Shino considered what Kiba would've done to suit himself: a cozy space for Akamaru, a buzzing coffee machine on top the side drawer—he'd count himself the luckiest man in the world. He'd be loud and eager. He wouldn't be cleaning and apathetic.

At the start, Kiba had even bragged about retiring together, staying as one unit till their hairs grayed. But in a rickety shed by the pub where Kiba drowned his rejection blues, he suddenly announced going to Water. They couldn't stay the same all throughout, Kiba had said, and tried to convince Shino it was all for the thrill of experience. But Shino had seen through him, why he wanted out.

He called Kiba a coward running away. Kiba begged to differ: _"You're the one running away! You're always in denial!"_.

They didn't talk after that and Team 8 officially disbanded.

Shino raked his tissue trash to the bin underneath. Kicking it back in, he watched Hinata busy herself with the incoming documents log by the front window. She caught him glancing and knocked on the glass three times.

"Lunch?" Hinata shook two _bento_ boxes in her other hand, smiling as she did. But her smile wasn't what it once was.

After Kiba left, she had started training as health care provider on weekends. When Hinata requested that she'd be allowed to visit his ailing grandmother as part of training, Shino gave permission without afterthought. Not only was she medic during the war, but he had always felt health care suited her more than being cooped up in a stifling office the whole day.

In the office pantry, the large ceiling fan only blew hot air. Gone along with Kiba was the noise, his bragging and gossip, and they both ate in silence. But Shino now had Kiba's share of Hinata's egg rolls and rice balls. She still prepared _bento_ enough for three people, and Shino wondered if she blamed herself for Kiba's decision; at times, he also doubted if Hinata staying at the Bureau was merely so she'd have other things to think about.

"Are you alright with this?" said Shino.

"With what?" Hinata's eyes widened as she chomped the end of her chopsticks.

_Alright with whatever is happening. Are you alright with just me? _

"Visiting my grandmother." He gulped and licked his lips clean. "Aren't you worried? There might be rabid termites. Or wriggling maggots infesting the floorboards. The walls. Or maybe bugs in the soup we serve…"

Hinata began tidying up. "I remember your birthday. Were we thirteen? You told us the same thing. But I already brought you cake and wanted to see your house no matter what. Kiba really hated it but followed anyway. We were both very careful, going inside on tiptoes the whole time, even when your floors were obviously polished hardwood. Thinking about it now, if there truly were, I'm sure you've already given them names." She eyed him good-humoredly. "So have you named them yet?"

Hinata's eyes are special. Not in the Byakugan sense, how core-less yet all seeing they are. It's the way they pierce that Shino couldn't turn away. He wished he didn't feel sorry for her without feeling like a hypocrite. Because now, Naruto was coming in through the door calling out to them and Hinata didn't have the usual blush in her cheeks. Instead, she was brought to a stand still and slowly, painfully, formed a practiced amicable smile as she turned.

Shino held a sense of guilt; he could clearly remember the last conversation with Naruto, the resignation he felt. And in the aftermath, the sadness, the sympathy—and he should really be ashamed.

Because out of it, he found hope for himself.

* * *

Rain pattered along Ichiraku's tent. Shino practically dragged himself to the nearest store to calm his nerves with mild broth, bogged down thinking how Hinata would react, how she'd take it: Kiba was leaving. She'd be too kind, she'd never stop Kiba. But she'd be sad. Shino already turned sullen at the thought. An equally troubled Naruto joined in later.

"I'm thinking of confessing, Shino… I've liked her for a while now I feel I need to get it out there, y'know," said Naruto, brooding over a noodle stuck in his bowl.

Naruto hadn't exactly specified who was 'her'. Unintentionally, Hinata's face flashed Shino's mind, how working at the Intelligence Bureau made her see the Hokage's apprentice more often, her sweet humming as she segregated documents thereafter.

He was shocked, petrified even. But shouldn't he be glad? Isn't this the right thing finally happening?

"I think both of us had been very shy," said Naruto. "Now that Sasuke's back in the village, now that he promised to turn over a new leaf and get away from trouble, I… felt there could be space for other things, you know? Like, a space for us. For _real_ this time."

Shino flatly agreed.

Naruto asked what 'girls' liked (as if Shino knew about girls in general). Shino advised sunflowers, the sure token to a 'girls' smile. Food; not ramen. Because Naruto was that predictable. And while 'girls' could finish ramen bowls piled more than a foot high, she'll definitely appreciate something sweet like zenzai.

As he did this, Shino felt numb. Then the feeling rose to an emancipation of sorts. This was where everything they knew about her was supposed to end up. He was merely returning lost pieces to their rightful owner. And as Naruto clung to his every word, those pieces were being received. Cherished.

However, during Kiba's farewell party, as the rest shouted cheers raising canned beers and sugary fruit sodas, Shino was transfixed at the sunflower on Sakura's lap, at Naruto and Sakura's fingers touching too long for comfort, their gazes lingering.

Naruto had meant Sakura.

Why did he think Naruto meant Hinata?

On second thought, why shouldn't he? Wasn't that _what _was supposed to happen?

Shino had no business sending Kiba off, but he sat stubbornly, hands in empty pockets, at a discreet corner bench beside Hinata. It was hard to take in. Hinata watched the painful scene unfold, her face unchanged with a passive, conceding look.

Elsewhere, Kiba was too occupied singing off-key with an equally drunk, half-naked Chouji. Everyone were having a blast except the two of them. A mockery of circumstance. As if fate was saying this was their common ground.

Shino couldn't count the times Hinata had to suffer this way; the letters she couldn't send Naruto with her thumbs shaking, the extra lunch boxes, her favorite Naruto quotes repeated like a broken record motivating them as a team. Why does it always end up like this?

"Are you alright?" he asked, although he knew she'll say yes because she never truthfully answered these kinds of questions. She's always alright even if she wasn't.

She swirled her can and drank the last drop, long hair brushing past her shoulders, exposing unblemished neck. She paused, almost in a daze. "I'll miss Kiba kun. But I'm also happy. He's really becoming more of an adult now."

"I wasn't—" Shino wasn't meaning Kiba. He understood she might not want to talk about it. Had she known beforehand? About Sakura accepting Naruto's confession? When for years it was her who waited all along?

And just as Shino felt like she'd cry and he was prepared to take her some place else, her gaze cut to him abruptly stopping his thoughts.

"You're here, Shino kun," Hinata said.

Shino's insects buzzed, the new larvae especially frenzied. Greedy. They sensed perturbation, his chakra shaken like liquid almost spilling out the cup. Shino struggled to find the right words and blurted out a singular "_What._" Because Naruto used to be always there, available. And then Kiba. It had always been that way.

He never counted.

"You're here so I won't be missing people twice as much," she said. The small of her head leaned to his shoulder. "I've been spoiled enough. You two are like big brothers always looking after me."

Shino fixed his goggles higher up his nose. "Of course," he said, smooth as though self-assured.

When the truth was—

"_You're here, Shino." So you've got me all to yourself._

Shino realized he struggled more on finding the correct meaning.

He could imagine how it must had been for Kiba: a loose evening after work, no dangers lurking around, Hinata looking at him and he had been so taken by her, so charming and pure, her mouth peachy, full of things unsaid. He could imagine Kiba's split second pleasure turning to pain. But unlike Kiba, no confession escaped Shino's lips. And he terribly wished Naruto had really meant Hinata.


	2. Chapter 2

They caught Naruto and Sakura on a date at Ichiraku's on a Thursday evening. Hardly unexpected. The friends-turned-couple frequented the noodle stand together. Still, surprise rooted Shino on the spot. There preceded a tense instant, blank stares exchanged between Hinata, Naruto and Sakura. The moment they sat as a group, Shino was ready to pull Hinata out.

As far as their friendship went, Shino and Kiba would stop at nothing to protect her, and in return, Hinata liked Naruto. They stood on both ends in a balance, and Naruto, or at least the idea of him, kept them from caving into the center.

Now, Shino operated solo on a lopsided beam, holding his ground, waiting with arms spread open should the center fall.

He expected tears, but she laughed at Naruto's jokes. At every off-center remark he said a giggle. And nothing on the surface seemed to change between her and Sakura. Their conversations went on easy with the latter doing much of the talking and Hinata all eyes and ears at the other kunoichi, nodding every now and then.

This sheetedness, the pretense; two versus one. Shino's stomach lurched, threatening to flip. He doesn't agree with this one bit.

Sakura had known Hinata liked Naruto, so what's this? They hurt her; surely they know. Avoiding the hornet's nest, eh?

Shino slurped fast and quiet on his side. The ramen tasted bland, void. Behind him a group of old men were all praises for Teuchi's noodles being extra. Cleansing his palate, glass stayed on his mouth, he thought: Was he only paranoid? Burdened alone by this injustice—her feelings ignored, forgotten, tossed carelessly in the trash like it's nobody's business. Look how she engaged them—is this consolation? Appeasing their conscience by pretending she was fine?

Sakura and Naruto got noisier while Hinata's lighter laugh remained peppered in the background, soothing like a blurry shadow. Shino's grip tensed, his bugs rasped their wings at the irritation running thick in his blood. Before he'd known, Shino slammed his glass of water on the counter. They hushed, all eyes at him. He couldn't make up a shaky hand or slip in a "my bad", and without explanation, left some bills and walked out.

Hinata later caught up lagging a few steps behind him.

"Sakura-san told me everything before she accepted him… I told her I support them," she said, her voice tender and shaky. She understood what irked him. Explanations aren't always necessary between them.

Shino stopped and turned. She was cross, he could tell. The tears on her cheeks were curses she would never say.

"You shouldn't have done that," she said. "I'm mad at you." Her fists trembled on her sides.

"I know." The sense of character quickly fled, but Shino was emulating Kiba, obstinate and devil-may-care. She almost gasped, offended, and pursed her lips in a thin line, her round eyes wide and shimmery. Guilt crept up on him.

Should he continue this? Feeling betrayed for getting angry in her stead? But he couldn't say she did wrong or right her for letting herself be pushed around.

"I will not be pitied at so don't get mad…" Partway, she sounded pleading. Unbearably so that he felt hopelessly soft.

Staring at the ground, he sighed. "I understand. Sorry." Even though his anger was only mildly dissipated.

Hinata dried her tears behind her wrists. "I never really believed I'll be alright seeing them. I can pretend for the rest, for them, for myself. But I want to be brave… So I can finally let go."

He and Kiba watched her grow stronger this way. The calm front she'd put up even under intense pain terrified them at times. She was Team 8's most enduring. They never gave her consoling hugs and Shino wasn't changing now, but he felt more for Hinata that when she held his hand as he walked her home, he knew he was the one being comforted. And he never wanted to let go.

* * *

_PART II_

WHEN HE WAS a child, Shino had a recurring dream. It was dark and hard to breathe. Something encased him, restricting his movement. He'd wriggle and creep, slowly like a worm, until he'd break out into the light. What he had broken out of was his old skin—he had moulted! In the mirror, he'd see his arms and chest made smooth, the gazillion awful tiny holes gone.

Soon as their umbilical chords were cut, Aburame males were fed to insect chambers. Their bodies exist to serve the village. As residence to parasitic bugs squirming their way into pores and sweat glands, they were literal walking hives, ugly beneath their coverings.

In his child mind, as he was often alienated by other children who contended his family served bug soups to guests, Shino would be glad he wasn't repulsed of himself as he was of his father's forearms and of his uncles' and cousins' showing beneath their kimono sleeves at casual family gatherings.

But it was only a dream.

Shino liked to believe he didn't care as much as he used to. Because later on, he'd come to think of the hives as Aburame pride, not in the sense of flaunting battle scars, but as a suffering only Aburame knew. His moulting dreams had also turned him into Naruto.

Naruto's heroism, to be brave and without doubt, to be relentless in the face of things he couldn't easily have—Shino knew what it meant. Or maybe Hinata's regard he wouldn't admit to wanting for himself.

Lately, the dreams have returned ending differently: in the mirror in the dream, it wasn't himself or Naruto; it was Kiba.

Was it guilt? For having Kiba's promotion? For being the one left remaining by Hinata's side? Nonsense. It wasn't his fault Kiba left and these things fell gracefully onto his lap.

As boggled as he was startled awake in bed in the middle of the night, Shino went out the veranda for air. Past the patch of trees lulled by the bright moon, he imagined Hinata peeking out her window in a white nightgown. His heart drummed hard, breath rising over his chest.

Perhaps… _perhaps__…_

Was the dream telling him of a subconscious desire to dare as Kiba did?

He had been considering. God knows he contemplated telling her the truth.

But where to even begin?

He couldn't be mindless like Kiba.

The second his musings drift to what Hinata would think, dread rushes back from when they were twelve and Kiba insisted on a shirtless brawl in front of her. Every pore on his skin felt gaping and pebbled, the pulse of a thousand tiny lives creeping around, filthy.

And her family, what would they think? He was even more doubtful of his own family.

Shivering, he holed back into his room and dove under his blanket.

_Get the doctor, get the doctor!,_ someone screamed.

Candles alight rushed inside the house. Now brisk and alert, he flung off the covers and scurried out.

* * *

Shino had seen this happen before, twice, both times false alarms. He sat with his father and relatives gathered around a long table sipping tea, and one by one, were being called into his grandmother's room for her last messages.

"What do you think about settling down?" his father asked. "Mother wants to see you marry before she... She won't rest until you assure her."

Shino swore his relatives directed accusing glares at him. Since when was this about him?

His father took a deep inhale and rubbed his watery eyes. "She's pulling herself together; you know your grandmother. But she seems so tired already, so tired. There's your cousin Yumi. Or Saya; your uncle Hide told me she'd be returning. And there's also…"

Some of his elderly relatives also asserted several other names. Those who were silent on the table didn't give a damn what his opinions were and how he felt, or what his life would be like if he agreed to every single thing they say. Yet, every time, Shino replied the default:

"I'll think about it."

Usually, it ends up with acceptance on his part.

Hinata would often say his grandmother was cute. But when she was of clearer mind, she was the highest counsel in the house, a tour de force infamous for her temperament.

Shino had been teaching part-time in the Academy when his grandmother ordered his transfer to the Intelligence Bureau. She had high hopes he'd break the family's ANBU streak and be vouched for hokage in the future. They were being looked down on, she said, as if the highest place for an Aburame in the village was in ANBU.

Kakashi once offered him a position feeling he was wasted away giving intelligence reports. When Shino had politely declined, Kakashi offered he give the ninja exchange program to Sand a try. Shino reasoned his clan would never permit the arrangement being his father's sole heir.

"_I can only imagine the choices being made for you," _Kakashi had said peeking between towers of documents. _"Some clans don't even permit marriages outside their kin. Must be tough for people who actually fall for people outside their clans." _

Shino knew better than anyone. To outsiders, living with bugs for a lifetime isn't the most attractive prospect to begin with.

When it was finally his turn, Shino slinked inside his grandmother's room and squeezed her hands. They felt stripped to the bone and withered like leaves. The smallest nerve he had up to tell he won't marry—at least, not in the next few foreseeable years—dropped to nonexistent.

The wooden blinds stayed fully shut as it was during daytime so he pulled them up and allowed a slight draft in through the sliding panels. He grew sad at the thought he would no longer be drawing the blinds before the year ends. Sometimes she thought he was thirty and called him Shibi, Shino's father, and slapped his arm when he called her grandma.

"That girl you're friends with, what food does she like?" she asked over the cup as Shino fed her barley tea. She stubbornly refused to drink. Her wispy white head curled wearily on top of her pillow.

"Zenzai, cinnamon buns..." said Shino. "Anything sweet. Hinata is a sweets person. She told you to eat well, didn't she? I won't make her come again if you won't…"

His grandmother slowly downed half the cup. "_Zenzai_…" She hummed and glanced beside her at Shino, seeming to judge him lacking in worth. "Your aunt makes great zenzai. Tell her to teach you how to make it. Then bring it to that pretty young lady."

"Why?"

"Just listen. Go make zenzai. You don't have to marry into our clan… Make her zenzai."

Shino cracked a smile. "That's news." Oh, but he was taken aback, his face mildly heating up. And what is this? This giddiness. Like the time his father gave him his first _real_ terrarium set for grown-ups. "I've never heard you say anything like that."

"You're already thirty. Get married the soonest."

"I'm twenty…"

"You wish you were. Tomorrow, you'll tell me you're a three-month-old infant. And then what? I'll go back to nursing you and cleaning after you. Tiring… Too tiring. Just make zenzai, will you?"

"Hinata has someone she likes." Teetering he went, should his hopes stray too far from reality. He must be grounded, he kept telling himself, but he was floating and dizzy.

"Is she married?"

Shino answered no.

"Then make zenzai!" She was suddenly firm. "You see, the man I liked? I keep thinking what could've happened if I didn't think much of the consequences. If I just burned all my clothes and said 'to hell with the clan!' then deserted the village for someplace else. I think I'd still be an angry person, but not as much. Then I'm reminded it's useless. Because I'd never do it. Being dumb and not thinking like you has its uses."

"I thought you liked me best because I was the smartest," said Shino. For some reason, he wanted to laugh, his face stiff trying to stop a wide grin. This wasn't normal. What sort of reaction was this coming from an insult?

"You wish. You've always been dumb, son. What I'm saying here Shibi—"

"Shino," he corrected,

"—trample all those other guys, be they great, good or bad, and get her before you begin thinking you'll never do it."

Shino stifled a laugh and patted his grandmother's hand, his fingers mildly shaking in excitement. "I'll never trample on anyone because of a girl."

The old woman gave a sly, toothless grin questioning his certainty as if saying he shouldn't dismiss possibilities yet.

He later discovered there wasn't an aunt with a great zenzai; maybe his father did but even he didn't know. So after a week of research scouring downtown for the best zenzai recipe, for the first time in his life, Shino hit the stove much to the cook and the scullery maids' horror, and invited his old students over for a taste test.

The house helps couldn't be fair judges: _young master, it__'s very good! We've tasted nothing quite like it! The best zenzai ever!, _they praised, everyone pleasing his ears and stroking his ego, but he knew they were mainly keeping an eye out on the kitchen in case of explosion.

His young jury, on the other hand, all agreed about the red bean soup "working", but were torn with the mochi being _too soggy_ and _just okay _and _"_—_why are you cooking, teach?__" _wearing genuinely concerned faces.

As gratitude for their honesty, Shino lent a hand finding horned beetles in the forest by the cemetery.

Cicadas shrilly calling out for mates at the peak of summer blared within earshot; the _Tanna konohanensis_ common in rich cypresses. Just as he grabbed onto a branch by his perch, looking out over the gravestones, he saw Hinata sitting on the grass with an unlikely companion.

Sasuke Uchiha was there and the way the setting sun cast his shadow overwhelmed Hinata's own. Her head occasionally bobbed keeping a conversation and she'd subtly look at the person beside her as if to see if he had been listening. She absentmindedly picked on the grass and then suppressed a laugh, her shoulders shaking. There were golden shine to her white eyes as she turned to the Uchiha in Shino's direction, resting her head on her hugged knees.

No one wore such a face around the Uchiha. For a person of his reputation, no one could.

"Teach," one of the students whispered from below, "Found anything yet? What's taking you so long?" By then the students huddled close at the base of the tree, eagerly looking up to him.

"Does it look really strong, Teach?"

"Can it trample other kinds easily?"

A question with an easy answer. Too easy Shino didn't want to admit. Trample a village, the Uchiha surely can. The world even should he choose.


	3. Chapter 3

Coincidence was what Shino called it at first. He was reading too much into it, putting meaning where it didn't belong. What of mourners meeting at a cemetery—she lost a brother figure, Sasuke went through his brother's death twice—never to happen again?

Keeping this in mind eased his chest constrictions when memory of that day comes up; he wasn 't sick. Must be the vacillating weather.

Soon, however, they ran into Sasuke on multiple occasions. At the convenience store with bags in both arms full of cat food as he vamoosed like a passing ghost who could only see straight in front of him. But when they once met him by the gates, idle and stone-faced, he gave a slight nod noticing Hinata. At the restored library, in one of its fresh wood smelling sections—Gardening and Horticulture? What has the Uchiha got to do with these?

But it made conversation in Hinata's book with plenty of recommendations which isle, which volume. Sasuke wasn't grateful though he acquired a borrower's card and had books bound for return the same day Hinata visits the library the following week..

Sunday morning came and Hinata went up to train in the clearing by the river with Shino as often.

Sasuke was there, his top garment peeled down to the waist, expertly wielding his sword, his footing in quick sturdy forms and turns.

Shino could've stopped Hinata, grabbed her wrist, faced her his way, but the fact that she turned to Sasuke as if in urgent kept Shino from doing these things. He couldn't help think it was Sasuke's cutting black eyes framed with slick black hair, unconcerned as he swaggered scarred, chiseled body where Shino could only be swaddled in layers from the tip of his nose down to his knees. Because it couldn't be that pale amputated arm, dangling and deformed on Sasuke's left. That he flaunted this lack in front of a lady didn't make sense. And that sword, as Sasuke sheathed it, the way it glinted sharply—a wicked taunt; Shino imagined the blade tearing Hinata's neck as easily as Sasuke had slashed at his teammates a few years back.

"Sasuke's one of those, isn't he…" He directed a blow to her shoulder. She sidled, catching his forearm.

Hinata seemed fazed for a moment and then stuttered: "W-what do you mean?" He shifted on his feet, pulled her hold in a loop under his arm and bended her arm behind her.

"People under constant surveillance by the village," he spoke behind her ear, blowing strands of her hair.

She didn't try to break free and passively muttered something in agreement. Shino could hardly believe it; Sasuke Uchiha is a criminal, a ruthless killer! Why was she acting like that doesn't matter?

With a push, he let her arm fall. "I don't need to spell out what that means. What's with you recently?"

She wiped the sweat under her messy bangs and stared at him seeming offended. The sheen on her upper lips and collar bones jutting out as she breathed seemed equally steamy and metallic.

"Sasuke is not a dangerous person..." Faster than a blink, she had claw up against his chest which took him two steps back. "Well, he is; but not as bad as I thought."

Her attacks came blunt, bone crushing bone. Shino's every attempt to parry out, she anticipated with insistent counterattacks. At the slightest opening, Shino grabbed her wrists and pushed her up against the nearest tree.

"Sure you can defend yourself. But if that guy turns serious, he will fatally harm you," he said, unbearably close, staring down at her. Neither blinked. Her partly opened mouth was so close, he realized, and his heart thundered, his fingers turning cold.

Lavender wafted off her sent fire scorching his arms. He gulped. If he'd press on in a heartbeat—thudthudthud—that fast release, he'd…

Hinata held her stance, pondered, and then slowly eased, looking at her toes. "I'm sorry for making you worry, Shino-kun," she said.

Quickly as it came, the heat ebbed. How many times had he caught himself so close to doing this, thought Shino. How long must this torment fare?

Oh yes, he worried. But what pained him was how she sounded the same every single time, talking to the same Shino whose orders she started obeying their first team mission eight years ago. Was he a constant that he couldn't be something else? Something more?

"Actually, I haven't told you yet but… Kakashi Sensei had asked me for a favor is all… More like it's me who asked for a case… I'm training to get into special care after all: rehab patients, elderly, special needs children."

Shino's eyes were wide with shock; but she wouldn't know, now, would she? Behind this tinted goggles, because his eyes burned out in sunlight, no one would know.

"What about my grandmother?" he said.

"I'm also checking up on four others, including your grandma."

"It doesn't need to be him, Hinata!" His voice started hoarse, ragged between words. "There are morphine addicts, war trauma victims, special cases all over this place! You can't—" He pointed at her._ Being slave to impulse will get you nowhere!_ He heard his grandmother's voice. She used to be particularly stern with this reminder. Because the irony was he possessed her temper and sharp tongue, as a squirt upturning tables when his kikai didn't move according to formation.

Hinata's shoulders bunched, pressed into the tree, surprise and apprehension in her features. He was being unreasonably worked up, he knew. Taking a breath, Shino finished his sentence in a calm manner, "I can search for someone for you."

Her uneasy fingers fiddled. Avoiding eye contact, she said, "No. It's alright. I'll look into it."

Shino couldn't ignore how non-committal she sounded. He made sure to mention the times they had to risk their lives retrieving Sasuke; the fact that Kakashi letting Sasuke out on parole placed the whole village at risk. Hinata didn't nod or speak against it.

* * *

"She's changed," he told his grandmother. With a wet towel he took time to wipe her fingers with their thin, chipped nails. "That wasn't the Hinata I know. She would've stayed away. She would've acted upon the right thing."

"So…" His grandmother seemed close to falling asleep, her voice only a whisper. Every now and then, that was all she did. Going in and out of slumber. "What did she say… About the zenzai?"

"I still haven't… But I tell you, she's changed. I have a bad feeling about this." He soaked the towel into the basin. His determined reflection squirmed in the water. "You might think me imposing, but what am I supposed to do?"

First thing the next morning, Shino strode into the Hokage's office.

"Lord Hokage, wouldn't you agree that the security around the Uchiha is too lax?" he said, handing Kakashi documents to sign. "Shouldn't his chakra lines be sealed at least? Who knows what he'll use his bloodline limit for."

Kakashi merely gave an airy laugh and dismissed his worries. "Sasuke doesn't have anymore reason to do that."

"How can you be certain?"

Kakashi's visible eye twinkled to a crescent. "By the way Shino, I really commend your dedication. Reporting to work even on the weekends. I must say I still badly want you on that Ninja Exchange to Sand. They're innovating new jutsu using endemic species, I hear. On the other hand, you ought to have more people working under you."

* * *

More people meant new people. Which might be a good sign for the village's economy. But a new field officer assigned under him had to be Sasuke Uchiha.

Had sentencing been a democratic process, the notorious traitor would've stayed in prison, and the citizens could truly take Kakashi for his word when he said the main priority for the post-war restoration was safety.

Everyone knew about the Uchiha Massacre, about the one child who outlive all the that. But Sasuke's cold repute garnered him no public sympathy. Added to Orochimaru let being loose and Kabuto stationed at an orphanage somewhere, free of criminal liability, people have turned weary of the justice system. And because people could only feel weariness in their hearts, the sound of Sasuke's steps as he passed the doorway put everyone in the Intelligence Bureau on edge.

Sulfur and iron suffused the air. Dark and sullen, his cloak jagged along the hems with blood caked on his brow, Sasuke dropped a scroll in front of Hinata.

She asked him to sign the log. As he was bent over, she eyed him worriedly.

"Sasuke, why don't you go to the hospital?" said Hinata, noticing something amiss. An injury most probably. Instead of sharing Hinata's concern, Shino felt breached. The way she addressed him sounded too familiar.

For the past few weeks he had Hinata tailed and his trackers had informed him she continued meeting Sasuke. Ever since then, his chest felt constantly tight, kindled without rest. But who was he to make her listen? He already told her once—a second time and she'll flick him off like a gnat.

Sasuke put the pen down. "Mind your own business," he said and Hinata seemed put down, not saying a word after.

Shino felt his guts lurch. He had been waiting for this, some flaw, some trouble, an ugly revealing in front of Hinata.

With command, he imagined himself say: "Be careful. You're just my memo away from end of probation. Back to where you really belong."

Yet, a few minutes in with Sasuke inside his office, Shino remained circumspect with a hand curled over his mouth. Sasuke indicated more relevant detail than he required in reports and was prompt on missions, returning earlier than the alloted time without mistakes.

Sasuke operated too masterfully to a fault that only made Shino more suspicious—because, there must be something. If this job was way beneath him, why would Sasuke be tolerant if not for other motives?

"Report over," said Sasuke stiffly. Dark hues sagged under his eyes.

Shino spaced out to Hinata anxiously peeking by the glass window. Her concerned expression vexed him. What does she see in Sasuke? Why does she care? On second thought, _why did she suddenly care?_ Sasuke belonged to a different category; he isn't a Naruto or someone like him and Kiba. He was a former classmate, a morbid rumor tied to their pasts, a stranger she'd give a polite bow passed by the sidewalk—_unless!_

The thought came so sudden, but so clear and needle sharp:

Unless the Uchiha's doing something evil to her.

Shino sat up straight, fists now tightly grappling the arms of his chair.

Yes, perhaps for some plan to get back on the village; definitely not far-fetched. Her family, her father's position in the council, Sasuke's mind control abilities; it was all coming together.

"If there's nothing more…" Sasuke made for the door.

"I didn't say you were dismissed," said Shino. Sasuke glanced a contemptuous half-smile over his shoulder and went out.

Shino glared at the door left ajar. Kakashi may have easily trusted Sasuke, but he's different.

For the longest time, Shino had relied on Kiba to come headstrong at the forefront, the do-or-die kind of fellow. Now, who else does she have but him?

He won't let her be used by Sasuke's schemes, far from self-interest, Shino assured himself, as he once again paid the Hokage a visit. (What better way to affirm Sasuke's intent?)


	4. Chapter 4

October, Shino decided, was going to be a hard month.

His cousin Saya had come from the capital. Now she was scintillant, pink polish on her long nails, and her hair a sharp dark bob. She looked almost ethereal.

The city had done her good, Shino admitted, because now she demurely sipped tea and covered her mouth as she laughed when his aunts took the discussions up the wrong curve downhill marriage route.

She was the horror of his childhood. She had boogers showing up her nose and blabbered about having his babies. He remembered hiding in the barns in the company of cattle ticks, because her coming over to play didn't leave him much breathing room.

Now as adult, he still felt the same. Only it wasn't just Saya, but the whole household fawning over who to invite _if ever_, which restaurant to hold the wedding banquet _if ever_, which tailor someone knew to be the best—things he hadn't approved—everyone obliquely waiting for his grandma's approval.

"Can you imagine stopping breathing?" croaked his grandmother. "I used to say impossible, impossible. I couldn't even think how that works." She gave a soundless laugh. "But now I struggle just to keep my lungs working. You know that feeling? That when you stop doing, it's gonna end. You just know. Every thing's up to you, yet there's nothing heroic 'bout it."

"Woman, stop saying things like that," said Shino as he pushed a cup over her grey, thin mouth. At times, he wanted to cry while simply doing this. "You're just thirsty."

"How rude. Are you really family? Whose son are you anyway?"

"Some guy whose mother is so stubborn she won't drink even though she wants to live."

"Give me some of your _zenzai _then I might consider." Shino went to the kitchen, scooped red bean soup from the charred pot, and served it to his grandmother. "Nn-nnn," she nodded, savoring a spoonful around her toothless mouth. "The mochi. Where's the mochi?"

"You can't chew."

"Can too. You shouldn't underestimate me like this. It's not me who can't give _zenzai_ to the one I intended it for."

Shino cleared his throat and toyed with the hem of his jacket sleeves. "So… how's the taste?"

"You ought to know I can't taste anymore, numbskull. Come on, just give it to her… If it's terrible, she'll tell you. At least she'll know you cooked her zenzai_. _Everyone in this house is pushing you and young Saya together—a good match, I think…"

The old woman's hazy eyes dared him to say the opposite. Shino sighed, pressing his temples. Uncontrollable, nosy people are one of his pet peeves and they just turned to be his whole family.

"You think differently though," she said. "So prove it,"

"Grandma… who am I?"

"I'm sleepy…" She immediately turned her head away and closed her eyes.

He was never fooled. He knew she was acting all along. But he couldn't bluntly ask why.

Maybe, in a way, she's trying to change. She wasn't the grandma who'd tell you to go out of your way to get what you want. It used to be always what she wanted; what she thought was right. No questions asked. Perhaps, in a way, she was making amends by acting demented rather than face the shame of recant.

Lately, though, Shino couldn't shrug off the feeling of this progression coming along too late.

Invites for dine out? Hinata declined every single one of them. (No, it wasn't just the four times he did. There was Sakura for a new barbecue place, and Tenten and Ino for cupcakes with flowers and what-not girls liked eating.) For whatever reason, Hinata became unceasingly busy.

He noticed every time Hinata turns her head to the wall clock; her quickened pace filing folders close to five in the afternoon as though she couldn't wait to be someplace else. He had dreadful suspicions, but his insects informed she went straight home.

A distant feeling pervaded their lunches together. His inability to stretch casual conversations left him with questions unasked after she leaves the table. A simple "any interesting reads as of late?" should do the trick—Kiba would've easily done it! But he was too antsy, busy shaking his knees. Then it was time for work again and he had lost the chance.

All the should-haves ganged up on him especially after work and sleep eluded him at night. So, he spent late nights boiling a pot of beans and pounding rice flour. He was too driven as he dictated himself—_watch the temperature! Don__'t forget to taste!_—desperate for perfection as if trying to make up for something horribly wrong with it.

* * *

That morning, he woke up past seven and didn't have time to make his bed or eat breakfast. He was a mess. Misplaced. Errors piling up on each other.

He had also forgotten to amend his field agents' monthly planned assignments. At the way his senior in the field stormed into his office and shouted at him after receiving a mission scroll from the Hokage's Office, Shino determined he wasn't in the position to apologize. The workplace wasn't a place for mistakes; he'd never tolerate it from himself. After all, he was the boss. This man and other field agents were waiting on every opportunity to nitpick at signs of his incompetencies, and he would never give them the pleasure.

"I wasn't informed Takahito _senpai. _You should have filed for leave—"

"I told you, _CLEARLY_, we're expecting this week!" The corners of the middle-aged man's bristly mouth bubbled, flecks spewing out as he spoke. "I told you in the face I shouldn't be assigned to Zone B0843! That was weeks ago! And I was there, out in the field doing all the dirty work; did I have time to follow up?!"

Shino grew weary, so nearly tempted to hurl the desk across the room. As if on cue, Hinata went inside and apologized, informing Shino he did approve Takahito's leave and showed him the document with his huge signature at the bottom—tired lines and thin ellipses, so done and over it.

"See that? What have you got to say, now, huh? Aburame," grumbled Takahito. "Better believe some people in the position just don't make the cut."

Shino clenched his fists, furtively grinding his teeth._ Don__'t make the cut_—it resonated with him in many ways than one; fueled that inner voice telling him he's not good enough. And he was sick of it.

Hinata apologized once again, took the blame upon herself, and tried to appease the livid man. From the window he saw Sasuke strode in, newly arrived. Hinata quickly excused herself and went up to Sasuke. And Shino's ire found new nexus.

He snapped.

But it wasn't a fiery sensation. He lilted with every beat of his heart, felt blood pump up to his brain. And he was suddenly very calm. Blood pressure low. How cold he was, how unfeeling.

What is an apology compared to more pressing matters at hand? He relaxed on his seat, his pointer finger lightly tapping on the arm rest.

"Nowadays we find our department always short on people. I apologize if I couldn't put anyone easily in your stead, senpai," said Shino. "You have always been among the most reliable delivering efficient results. Zone B0843 had suspicions of zetsu sightings. The Hokage had agreed on my decision to send you; he recognized your past efforts."

"The Hokage…" At this, Takahito's face was placate and Shino could discern his opinion of him took an abrupt shift to the sunny side. What he said, though, was a lie. He was easy to read, too easy.

"I'm sorry I couldn't hand over Zone B0843 to just anyone," Shino continued. "Be with your wife. I'll have Uchiha Sasuke take over for you."

"Really? But he just got back."

"I'm sure he won't mind," he said.

When he called Sasuke in, Hinata listened in on them. As Shino detailed Sasuke's mission to B0843, Hinata neared his desk. "S-Shino kun, Sasuke kun just got back. C-Can't he take a rest for a bit?"

"Rest? He proved to have went on until he could destroy the world. Uchiha here isn't like the rest of us, Hinata. Wouldn't you agree?" He stared at Sasuke.

Sasuke smirked, closed in on him, and met his line of sight.

Is he going to use the Sharingan? Control his mind like what he does to get to Hinata's good side? He better not blink, thought Shino, so Hinata will see for herself what Sasuke is truly up to.

"You're right," said Sasuke. "But really, if you have something against me, tell Kakashi and I'll be off your case." He grabbed the mission scroll off Shino's desk and set out.

Before she could follow after him, Shino caught Hinata's wrist. He was slightly feverish, he realized—he hadn't taken a bath—and briefly wondered if he smelled of pungent semiochemicals. He felt different at the moment though, as though he could glaze over these insecurities and let them fall at his feet. He was invincible.

"Are you busy tonight?" he said smoothly. "I can't seem to get done with work. Help me out."

Perhaps it was his directness and lightheaded confidence, but Hinata reluctantly agreed.

"I-I'm not really needed at home. It's alright," she said.

Soon, it was only the two of them left in the office. She had quietly washed his coffee mug, brewed him some and made toast with jam. His stomach growled as he munched on the toast.

"You're hungry. Let's call it a day. Nothing's urgent anyway." Hinata smiled before taking a sip of her coffee. She had a book on her lap, on herbs. "You don't need to be so pressured with these things, Shino kun. Take it easy sometimes."

"What are you reading up on?" he asked, wiping crumbs off his fingers and his desk. "Is there something for an old woman who's bored with barely tea? She hates water too. I don't know what she wants these days."

"As humans grow older, it's natural I suppose. To not feel as much as we used to. To not like the things we used to like. As long as she's hydrated, she'll be alright…"

"I see—"

"I'm looking up on remedies," she added in abrupt. Hinata had her gazed fixed on the book, gently touching a corner. "On lung diseases."

Shino pulled his bottom drawer and inside was his _zenzai_ in a silver container which he had heated in the morning, wrapped with a checkered cloth. "Hey, wanna eat out? I also have stuff you might wanna try."

"Shino kun, why did you enter Sasuke on the ninja exchange program to Sand?"

He tensed reaching out to the soup container. Evening and it was still subtly warm. He smiled in spite of himself. "Oh, that?… Why not? He's highly qualified. Besides, it's all up to him if he accepts."

"That's… That's not what I mean. Shino kun… do you… Did you do it because you want him out?"

This hurt him bad, wrung his heart, passed it through the shredder. Instead of completely taking the container out, he pushed the drawer back in startling Hinata.

"Did he tell you that?! And you believed him?!" What about his opinion? His advices? When he cautioned her to stay away? They have fallen on deaf ears. "Why would you let yourself be influenced by someone like him?!"

"Shino kun wha—" Her mouth briefly hung agape. "Don't you want to get to know him? Beyond the prejudice—"

"Don't be naive!" Every part of him hotly burned. Unable to be at ease, he paced, the disturbed movements of the bugs adding to his irritation. "Did it ever occur to you—why are you suddenly on his side? So many times he fatally hurt Naruto! Right this moment, you could be under his control."

"How can you say that?" She could hardly believe him.

"I know he'll decline that exchange program because his plans are just beginning and it just so happened you're one of his pawns, Hinata. Because you're letting yourself be used."

"No…" said Hinata empathetically. "He accepted, Shino kun… And I feel so sad because I'm the only one feeling this way. But even that couldn't be validated. Because I could be just under his control and I shouldn't sympathize with him because he hurt Naruto. That it's wrong for me to act out of what I believe is good and right; my family used to make me feel this way. But I won't permit you, Shino kun. Because we're friends."

"Hinata…"

She hugged her book. "I'm sorry, I'm going home first."

After she left, the office became incredibly silent.

When he got home, he emptied the soup container and watched clumps of white mochi and red beans vanish into the drain. He blanked out on what to do next: wash the container, eat dinner, go to bed, feed his ants and various bugs; nothing seemed worth doing. He was angry and scared, his mind conjuring ugly scenarios: angry because he was wrong about Sasuke having plans; and God, he was more scared! Because it only meant one thing about Hinata. Was it hope, after all, that went down the drain?

Then again, who was it that called Kiba a coward?

At this Shino rolled up his sleeves and grabbed a sponge. He better get moving. Nothing will happen if he moped around. And he'll always be that nonexistent guy in the last row at class, wearing a coat like the exuviae insects shed at moulting to hide himself with.

On the day of the war's fourth anniversary—a holiday—Shino wore expensive clothes, checked his breath a few more times than necessary, and with zenzai and sunflowers in hand, headed to the Hyuuga compound.

Fireworks exploded at a distance. In the morning was a memorial service offered to those who died but the evening was a yearly grand celebration which attracted visitors from other regions. The energy coming from four corners of the village leveled up his nervousness and found himself tugging uncomfortably at his lapel every now and then.

He went out of his way to hitch up a crisp black trousers paired with a stiff suit jacket fresh from the clothier's and a bodysuit underneath like a diver's gear with head cover.

Does he look funny? Like a duck? He was never enamored with ducks. He wondered why some kids' toys are modeled after them. Why not rubber ducky roly-polies? Or better yet, arthropods so children are educated early of their benefits to the environment?

Shino's steps slowed. As if there for him to see, two strolling figures emerged like they had all the time in the world.

Is this fate's idea of a mockery?

Far ahead, Hinata and Sasuke stopped by the fork of the road, the tops of their head shined on by the moon. A cellophane dangled from Hinata's arm as she ate ice cream. The east side led to the Hyuuga compound. Far south was the cemetery, passing the direction of the Uchiha compound. She held the ice cream out to Sasuke. He stooped and took a bite.

There's nothing to it, there's nothing to it, Shino told himself. He and Hinata have shared far more things than ice cream. But the pain in Shino's chest swelled, drowning him.

Sasuke stayed and stood watch as Hinata ate at the cone. They took a few, lazy steps together before Hinata made a turn and Sasuke headed another direction. Though Sasuke didn't do this immediately, staring off the way she'd gone, waiting. Then coming up to her once again, he simply held her face and leaned in to kiss. When Sasuke parted from her, she shyly put a hand over her mouth, but she was smiling, her expression seeming to blossom.

Soon as they were gone, statued Shino hadn't even noticed his chakra ran amok, some of his _kindaichu_ turning bigger in size, biting his skin and starved for more.

He screamed, the _zenzai _and flowers hurled away as he shrugged off his suit; but he couldn't get away. Nothing would come off of him. They were his parts eating him out.

For a host to _kindaichu_, nothing good comes out of giving in to intense emotions. He had to calm down no matter how hard. Shino rolled to the ground and on his back, began counting the stars.

When they couldn't sleep, Kiba would run this contest whoever falls asleep first while counting, loses. It was stupid. Thankfully, before he'd ever start, Hinata would tell stories about objects and made-up people (the heroes usually modeled after Naruto) using patterns formed by the stars.

Those patterns were always vague that they'd squint hard, squeezing moisture out of their eyes rather than interrupt her gentle voice to ask where.

School and the concept of heterogeneous teams used to terrify him. Twelve-year-old Hinata pestered him on his favorite color; none, he numbly answered. He told her tales of arthropodan horror surrounding the Aburame household so she'd keep her distance; she decided he liked moss green based on the color of his pants. She invaded his solitude and had him crossing his clammy fingers at every weird look trying to figure him out.

While Kiba struggled through their differences, Hinata's approach was cakes and baked cookies and good _taijutsu__. _She was the first girl he liked being with; the prettiest, too.

In the dreary monotony of mission with death hanging above their heads, she smiled and cried and combed her long hair and collected flowers and put salves on their wounds. Out of a can of cold beans she could make a hearty dinner, and briefly they could pretend to be on a friendly camp out without weapons stashed on their holsters.

Past being milked of chakra twenty-four seven, sweating semiochemicals, and not truly seeing daylight, Shino Aburame with Hinata Hyuuga was someone other than utility. Not Konoha's asset or the Aburame's token to prestige. She was the spectrum of emotions he didn't know he had.

Hand over his heart, he knew he couldn't afford to lose her.

Dictated by his grief, Shino raced lickety-split to the Uchiha compound. The place was deserted save for one lit house like a beacon in the midst of rotten wood and the smell of rust and the overgrowth of weeds.

What did he expect to accomplish here?

Tell Sasuke to go away? He'll be gone by winter to Sand.

Stay away from Hinata specifically? Valid. Sasuke is a liability. He'll only ruin her.

Sasuke was sitting limply on his shabby corridor, feeding cats. They curled around him, rubbing portly bodies on his legs, purring for a touch which Sasuke surprisingly obliged, tickling their necks. Taking notice of Shino, they growled and hissed and ran to hide.

"Aburame," said Sasuke, not bothering to stand, "You look quite hostile."

Shino's insects loomed in a thick cloud behind him casting a huge shadow around Sasuke. "What are you planning to do with Hinata?" he said.

Sasuke was silent for a while, focused and short of breath for some reason which made weird whistling sounds as though something were wedged his throat. "I felt I could… trust her with myself, that's all."

"Hinata is not like other girls," reinforced Shino.

"I… agree." In trying to speak, Sasuke hacked and coughed some more.

Shino was disappointed. At Sasuke's answers, why did he feel chastised? The one on the receiving end. There was going to be a fight. His wrath would be justified.

"You won't find anyone like her _anywhere_," said Shino, and his voice had never sounded so defeated to himself. "She's… the only one…"

He couldn't finish. He saw a world quaked, of pieces falling apart. A terribly cold and hollow universe pressing up on him on every side.

Sasuke slumped against a post, smirked a bit and closed his eyes. He waved a hand, telling Shino to scram out his property. As Sasuke was reduced to fits of cough, Shino was certain he saw blood in Sasuke's hand.


	5. Chapter 5

_PART III_

THE FIRST SNOW came. His grandmother would've taken it as a sign for a grand plan. He'd be called into her quarters and she'd begin by sternly saying: _"Shino, you must—" _

Her voice never left. It continued to reside in the dust accumulated in the corners, the cold blinds of her windows shuttered close.

As Shino accepted condolences from some attendees trickling into the dim grand hall for the funeral rites, he glanced over the patio to see if Hinata had arrived—probably with Ten Ten and Ino, Chouji, Lee, and the rest. He'd also appreciate Naruto coming over. He exchanged funeral formalities with the father of the family newly arrived, excused himself, and headed to the kitchen.

The pot was already bubbling. Shino drained the beans. He tied a knot on his back which kept his kimono sleeves bunched behind him and added precise measures of sugar to the beans. After pouring sweet water into the pot, he set it to boil once again and when it was finally time, Shino stirred, the red beans now seeming soft enough. With a taste, he closed his eyes, the natural sweetness of beans intensified, easily melting in his tongue. It was the creme a la creme, the perfect zenzai red bean soup base in precise measured proportions. And his mochi, lightly charred in the grill, giving of the faint enabling aroma of mocha. No sweets shop in Konoha sold zenzai quite like this. None with such care and attention to detail.

"Young master, she's arrived. She awaits in the receiving room."

Shino nodded at the servant. He red bean soup into bowls, topping it with grilled mochi. As he threaded through the dark hallway from the kitchen to the receiving room, he heard Naruto laugh in the courtyard and Sakura hissing at him for sneaking in snow down her nape.

Reaching in front of the doorway, Shino took in another deep breath, squared his shoulders tensely holding up the tray, and pushed the door aside.

Entering into the candlelight, each step brought him closer to Hinata's scrutiny. He was conscious of her bewildered gaze following his every move as he set the bowls in front of them, his bare, pocked arms exposed to her.

While it was simply dressing up like everybody else, he was revealing to her a dimension of himself he couldn't accept for a long time, the real person who loved her all those years. When he was done placing the spoons, he put the tray beside him.

Then their eyes met, truly met. It was the first time, he realized, truly seeing the healthy blush of her cheeks and the piercing quality of her irises. Touched by candlelight, they were like pools of liquid gold.

"You look good," she said. Shino scratched his forehead to hide his embarrassment. He wasn't used to this kind of compliment.

Hinata's smile was gentle and coaxing, meaning to say more but said less so as not to force things out. She reached out to give his bigger hands a squeeze. "I'm happy to see you're doing well."

"I'm fine. We all had it coming. It was only a matter of time. I'm more glad she finally got to rest."

Then silence ensued. She didn't let go of his hand, her gaze searching his eyes, making small discoveries as though his details were dear.

Nervous, "I made _zenzai_," he said and lazily put his elbow up to nestle his chin trying to play casual.

She carefully cupped the bowl with her hands. "No way, you made this?!" She beckoned the steam to her. "This smells so good. Are you a genius, Shino kun?"

He simpered darkly. "You just knew?"

She spooned a mouthful, tasted, and her eyes grew wide. "Amazing. You sure can do anything."

More snow started to fall, the cold wind making the candles shimmy. Shino, though, was unexpectedly comfortable. This fondness was meditation. Her chewing, her small pleased hums, the soft shadows of her fanning lashes… Is it possible to feel this much happiness watching someone eat?

"You're not eating?" she asked.

"I made this for you. Here, have mine." He pushed his bowl towards her.

"Really?" she said, at once aglow, then mellowed by customary modesty. Though her eager stare was more honest—"Oh, b-but, you don't have to… I-I'm not a glutton—"

As if he didn't know of her bottomless stomach. That part of her never seem to change. Amusement tugged a corner of his lips. She was cute that way.

"You're not," he said.

"But if you insist—"

"Yeah. Eat up."

She took up his offer and in her reserved manner resumed with smaller bites, her hair tucked behind her ear.

There was often this illusion that lunches in the office pantry were spent in a humble dining room with a dim yellow light over a low table, and it was just the two of them in the comfort of their own home in some secluded part of the village, maybe in the woods away from everybody else. The the normalcy of it made Shino feel it could go on forever. And now he caught the sweet pain of it, once again, falling deeper.

With her head bowed, Hinata started to cry. "I-I'm sorry. I-it was so good, Shino kun. I couldn't help it. Zenzai is one of those simple comfort foods with no perfect version. That's why it's my favorite… Yours is the best for me. I wish I could eat this forever."

"No perfect version, you say." Shino laughed inwardly at himself. "Wish I was convinced sooner."

Delicately, he lifted her gaze to him and wiped her tears. She stepped by his side and gave him a hug, resting her head on his shoulder. He slipped his arms on her sides and slightly leaned into her, holding her; and knew with certainty he belonged there. He embraced her tighter, closed his eyes, and resigned himself to the balmy scent of her hair.

"I'm sorry for your loss," she said patting his back for comfort, crying the tears he'd never shed in front of anybody.

"Hinata…" he whispered, feeling sapped out of energy, perfectly warm and comforted. "There's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"We've been friends for a long time, and…"

"Nnn…"

"Actually, Hinata… I…"

He subtly pushed her away so they'd see eye to eye. In her eyes danced countless possibilities that he felt gravid with so much warmth and sadness, his cheeks burning with intensity. And it took a lot of nerves pulling at the back of his head not to cry in front of her.

"I think you should go after him," he said.

Hinata turned somberly silent.

"Why should I go after him? He doesn't even care about himself."

For a while it was only the howling of the wind through the partly opened sliding door that made a sound.

"Why, you ask?" Shino's finger idly tapped on the table. Stopped. "Because you're in love with him."

Hinata rested her head on the table, crystal eyes looking up at him. She was breathtakingly lovely, so lovely that he ached, overcome by the overwhelming sense to ran his fingers through her hair. He conceded to gently patting her head and she closed her eyes, yielding to his comfort.

"In love?" Her voice cracked a little, more tears spilling out. "How would you know? What would you know about falling in love, Shino kun?"

"Maybe a small thing or two."

"Liar," she lowly whispered, "You've never fallen in love. But maybe you will, in the future… That man only makes me cry. Do you know he's fatally sick? Yet he wasn't finding cure. Naruto and Sakura don't even know he's sick. He didn't want them to know. He's just waiting to die… Maybe he's already dead."

Then she broke; at once, so frail.

"R-right now, I-I hate him... S-sometimes I think I'm being punished for what I did to K-Kiba."

"Kiba wasn't your fault. You did him a favor, actually… You might say these things now but you hate giving up the most."

She shook her head. "I can't force that man to want to live."

"But you can be his reason," said Shino.

"Someone's reason… " She sat up wiping her face. His caressing hand slid off her head. "What an awful burden…" she said. "How can you sound so sure? Like you know it yourself."

Before he could answer, one of the panels slid open and his cousin Saya went in to serve tea. She bowed to Hinata, said a few pleasantries, and left.

Hinata watched Saya go out the door.

"She's very beautiful," she said. "She's the one, isn't she? Your fiance…"

The funeral rites went without a hitch. They threw his grandmother's ashes up the Hokage mountain, spreading it out towards the coast. Fireflies appeared that night and they seemed so beautiful as though guiding the ashes upwards, somewhere, some better place.

For the first time in a long, long time, he bawled inside his grandmother's room with his hands over his mouth, choking the sounds he made. And he wasn't entirely sure if he was crying because the room was now empty or the fact that he couldn't even stand beside Hinata till the ceremony lasted.

A few days before her twentieth birthday, Hinata decided to leave for Sand. Shino was surprised when he received her message to meet on the docks.

As it was nearing New Years, passengers and peddlers crowded the platform. Large cargoes were being brought into the ships anchored by the pier. Salt and icy particles made Shino's nose burn and people trying to get through the planks pushed up against each other, heating the air.

Hinata sighed, blowing a cloud out of her mouth, a sheen of sweat on her temples. "I guess this is it. I'm happy you could see me off. I had to lie a bit to my father to make it this far, so no family…" she said wistfully as she adjusted her backpack. But she sparked renewal, her eyes firm with vigor. Shino could see she was truly happy in spite of uncertainties.

He waved his hand as the crammed throng swept her in and he could no longer see her.

_Take care._

The ship's whistle blew, the planks withdrawn, until the space between land and the ship became apparent.

"Shino kun!" she called from up the ship's deck. She waved both of her hands when he looked over. Shino remained statued. As the ship slowly moved away, the whistle grew bolder, and his heart raced.

"Hinata!" he shouted back, "I love you!"

People waving by the docks threw him odd looks. Hinata wore a blank expression at first and then brightly smiled.

She waved and said: "Thank you! I love you, too! Neji nii would've told me the sa—"

Her smile waned. Shino stayed rooted on the spot, expectant and bright with shame. When she called out to him again, he turned away, snuck his nose into the collar of his jacket, and groveled through knots of people, not wanting to see her look apologetic, until he could no longer hear her calling out his name, washed by the sound of the waves.


	6. Chapter 6

_"Did you tell her yet?" said Shino. __"She's gonna cry."_

_"I don't think so. She's more mature now than you might think. I mean just because… I've…" Kiba mumbled incoherently and breathed out loud. "Don't start making me feel bad. There's you. I'm leaving her to you so I'm not worried at all," said Kiba._

_Shino stared at Kiba. Till Kiba melted into a puddle of nerves and change his mind. But Kiba remained doe-eyed. _

_"For some reason, I find this hard to believe," said Shino._

_Kiba crossed his hands, blunt thumbs pressed on each other. "Yeah. Me too. I've been living forever in Konoha. It's gonna be a different life out there, different people, no fam and my mother's cooking on the dinner table. But I think it's cool. It's not like we could stay the same all throughout. Heard they're sending people to Cloud in case you're interested?"_

_"You said you're leaving her to me. Are you serious?" Shino's voice grew bold. "You of all people."_

_"Are you mad at me or something?" Kiba raised a brow._

_"You're running away," said Shino. Oh he knew how to fray Kiba's nerves. __Partly, he could admit Shino was right: he confessed to Hinata, got turned down—he was drunk and felt daring—and things got awfully awkward; but that wasn__'t enough reason to leave Konoha for three straight years._

_"No. Geez!" Kiba threw his arms upwards. "I decide something for myself and you're suddenly acting like an ass." _

_"It's not like my suspicions are unfounded. You running away is the most logical explanation to this situation—"_

_"That's not it!" Kiba's nostrils began to flare up. _

_"Is that the path you've chosen for yourself? Running away? Breaking the team?"_

_Kiba knocked the flat boards and the whole shed shook. "The hell Shino! You don't understand! Are you saying that's how much of a pea brain I am?"_

_Shino jumped a step back seeing the roof wobble. "Get a hold of yourself and think it over. The worst thing you could do is leaving Hinata to an ass guy."_

_"I just said you acted like one! I didn't say you were!"_

_"And you're a coward running away.."_

_"I said that's not it! Are you picking a fight?!" Kiba walked up to Shino, eyes almost blood-shot in the heat, and grabbed him on the collar. _

"_Maybe I should," said Shino. "Seems to me you've been bored enough you're now confused. What do you expect to achieve from this? Do you want her to stop you? Tell you she'll reconsider? Are you doing this to make yourself feel relevant?"_

_They matched glares, jaws set strong. Then, there came a sudden shift in Kiba. A film of clarity passing his face._

"_Oh, I know what this is." Kiba smirked showing his fangs. "You're just saying that because you're afraid. That once I'm gone, you'll have no excuse."_

"_What for?" Shino grumbled low._

_"You love her," he said. "You loved Hinata first. You love her more than I do. For the longest time. And yet, here we are. You pushing me up like a betted horse because you can't forge ahead yourself. That sort of excuse."_

_Kiba didn__'t want to be pushing a friend's buttons, but maybe, it's time he steps up and point out to Shino that he should grow some balls once in a while._

_They both knew they had feelings for Hinata. And as the years turned out, because of Naruto, it was as if there was an __unspoken rule about keeping their mouths shut. __But Shino was letting himself into this, as though willing, like some kind of martyrdom. He let himself be pushed around by his own rules __and expected other people to act the same._

_Shino rid Kiba__'s hands off his coat. "Inconsequential. If I had been as narrow-minded as you, I would be unworthy of the Aburame name."_

_Kiba rolled his eyes. __"Whatever. You're the one running away. You're always in denial." _

_The aura around Shino took a gloomy feel. For a second, Kiba worried he pushed too hard. _

_"Hinata doesn't deserve your half-heartedness, Kiba. You can look good if you want, pursue her without restraint, and you were what? Drunk? Now you're claiming you're not leaving because of her. Sorry to break it to you but she will think it's because of her, regardless. I want you to at least feel accountable for crossing the line."_

He didn't want to be near Shino after that. Because Shino was right, every bit of what he said, dammit! His guilt ate at him for months. Time was kind, however, and he was happy living in Water. Kiba soon found courage to reach out to Hinata.

They've been in touch and Hinata was coming to terms with the fact that better things are happening to him and she shouldn't feel sorry for turning him down—it was to be expected, really—and all he deeply wanted in the first place, was to simply let her know.

One day, a letter came to him:

_Meet me at the port. Monday. -Shino_

For someone stuck up on details, Shino message didn't say much it terrified Kiba with much speculation: Is it another confrontation? Is he gonna end their friendship for good? 'Cause everyone knows Shino isn't the type to apologize first for reconciliation's sake.

Downing a glass of whiskey, Kiba buckled his belt one more hole and felt Akamaru's fur, "Wish me luck, buddy."

The shores of the Land of Water aren't used to many visitors. A local could immediately spot a newcomer, even Kiba who was here three months short of a year. Coming out from the fog was a straw-hat, goggled weirdo in a fancy red dress shirt with big-ass white floral print, cargo pants, and what seemed to Kiba, a diver's suit underneath, which should be burned in the incinerator.

Kiba was speechless. Upon recovering his wits, "Why are you here?" was all he could muster.

"Running away," said Shino.

"Oh."

"I would like to think there is purpose to my pain."

"What are we talking about again?"

"I can say this to you Kiba. You're not a coward. And I'm proud of you." Shino clapped Kiba on the shoulder.

Kiba wasn't sure if he was catching up on any of this development. "Okay… So… About running away, you're supervisor now, right? Why are you here?"

"I quit. I didn't think it was doing me good."

"Right…" Kiba nodded slowly. "And you're now assigned to?"

"None. No official assignment. And since I'm out gallivanting, I also quit my family and being at the Hokage's disposal. Now I'm an official fugitive."

Who is this dude? Shino never breaks away from the system. Ever. Kiba was starting to worry. "Do you want to—I dunno—talk about it or something?"

"My grandmother died," continued Shino,

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Then I realized, what was holding me back in the first place? _I _was holding myself back. So, I decided to get real with myself. I let her go."

"Who did you let go?" Kiba slightly panicked.

"Why you ask? Because, I owe myself that. What I have here…"—Shino put a hand over his chest—"This is the realest thing for me."

"Who did you let go? Damn it! Are you talking 'bout Hinata? Is it Hinata?"

"Now, I just wanna be free to explore the world and fulfil my dreams of finding the ultimate giant _kikai_."

Kiba was stunned. How could Shino leave his position in the village for something so random?

"Just kidding," Shino said stoically. "Why don't you decide? What should I do next?"

Kiba blanked out and shrugged his shoulders. "Don't ask me that out of the blue. I dunno. Return to the village? Go back to teaching?"

"Hn. Let's not kid ourselves." Shino fixed his slightly skewed goggles. "But I'll humor you."

(END)

* * *

Pro-uchiha shared her music used in Regrets Raise No Citadels (SasuHina). Listening to the music she listened to was an intimate experience though I've never met her or known her name. I maybe just a mochi as my preferred existence on this site, but here's my playlist for BITSWeS:

Can I Call You Tonight by Dayglow

Hand Over Hand by Roland Faunte

Wandering Lip (feat. Jesus Noris) by Killkiyoshi

I'm usually a classical music type of person, but I stumbled upon these beauties on YouTube and to me, they helped bring back atmosphere, mood, and impression of character.

Another thing. I admit, my two main goals for this fanfic were:

1.) To make you, dear reader, fall in love with Shino. Because he's so underrated (How'd I do?); and

2.) An excuse to make SasuHina kiss. Okay? (Did you feel it?! Did you?!)

* * *

_Let me share to you this short poem I wrote two years ago. It's nothing special. I wrote this at the time I felt so jealous and insecure, and wanted to remind myself those are not the things I want to focus on because they make me feel ugly thus affecting my perspectives about everything else. The person whom I wrote this for still hasn't read this poem so this is our little secret... okay? xD_

**Mating Frog Calls and Jealousy**

by: some person

Bullfrogs croak in the night.

They each call upon the other to mate.

Their gurgling sounds remind me of the tremor,

Twisting and turning into a trembling,

A pain striking my muscle oozing blood.

I became weird. Now I know jealousy of the romantic kind.

It's your fault. The frogs croaking to mate annoys me.

But I'm different, now I know. The frogs remind me so.

Not a plea but a declaration: I love you;

Not like the frogs croaking at each other,

But as the night and the cool, comely breeze,

Surrounding all, embracing with a gentle kiss.


End file.
